Advanced Directives - Don't Do This to Your Loved Ones
David died last week.
He was 59 years old, the father of two young adult daughters, divorced from their mother.
Prior to falling ill several years ago, he had a successful career in a management position in a large corporation. He was active in his church, and a savvy investor.
Six months ago, his health began to decline more rapidly. His providers insisted he choose a healthcare proxy, someone to make decisions about treatment on his behalf. He chose one of his daughters for that role.
But what David didn’t do and wouldn’t do, despite his daughter’s pleas, was to discuss his end-of-life wishes. Did he want to be resuscitated? Kept alive with a respirator or a feeding tube? It was as if not having the conversation would prevent the inevitable end of his life.
Several weeks ago, David’s health took a turn for the worse when he contracted an infection. You can guess what happened. His daughter was forced to make some of those end-of-life decisions on her father’s behalf, having no idea what his wishes were. It was agonizing for her, deciding to stop treatment, understanding the gravity of the decision -- her father’s life was in her hands. And having no idea, until his last days, whether it was the choice he would have made for himself.
Does this story sound personal? It is. This is the true story of my daughters and their experience with their dad. It’s the story of their anguish and heartbreak. I share it based on my own frustration that my daughters would be forced into making those difficult decisions without his input.
What end-of-life plans have you made? Will your children or your spouse be required to make decisions for you without knowing what your wishes would be?
Tomorrow, April 16, is National Healthcare Decisions Day. It’s a call-to-action to review your need for advanced directives, documents that outline your end-of-life wishes, such as DNRs (do-not-resuscitate orders), healthcare proxies and living wills. It’s a reminder to discuss those wishes with your loved ones to make your death is less of a burden to them.
Preparing directives does not have to be difficult, may not require an attorney, and will bring you closer to your family. Agreed, having that conversation won’t be easy. But it will reap benefits forever.
Take the Four Steps to Making Your End of Life Decisions.
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© 2008 Trisha Torrey |
